Insanity = same actions + expecting different results

So, I never seem to learn some things.  When am I going to learn that anything that has to do with WWII is not going to be uplifting?  I didn't learn it after seeing Life is Beautiful when I was younger, didn't learn it after reading Anne Frank's diary, still didn't learn it when I read The Book Thief, and what was I thinking, deciding to watch Into the Arms of Strangers about the child exodus in Germany last night? My dad asked me that once, when I called him crying after watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. "Dad, it was just so sad!" I remember saying. "What, you thought it was going to be uplifting?  About a concentration camp?" he said. Um...I obviously didn't think that one through.  I can't seem to help it though, I am a hopeless, insane optimist.  Most of the time it is so much easier to not expect anything good or happy or for people to go out of their way and do the right thing, but I am still flattered that my brain works that way.  I can't really think of a benefit of it, but maybe someday I will.  My optimism has taken a heavy beating at work...before my professional job, I had never had people lie to my face, try to manipulate me, steal, or abuse my kindness.  No way this person is a drug addict just trying to get narcotics, she is so nice!  I learned that lesson pretty quickly, but I guess it is still good that I expect happiness in other aspects of my life, right?

Sometimes I will be going along, thinking "man, I am doing great! I can do my own taxes, I pay all my own bills, I have a job, I have my own place" and then something hits me and I realize I am still just a kid.  Like tonight.  I pulled back the covers to get into bed and found animal crackers.  Am I seven?  Or the other day.  I shut my hair in the car door and immediately yelled "MOM!". Same thing.
     I remember when I was younger, when I shared a room with little Banana, my partner in crime.  When we would get scared I would always try to act like the grown up.  I would tell her it was going to be ok and that the noise we heard outside the window probably wasn't the banshee from Darby O'Gill and the Little People trying to get in.  Telling her that and reassuring her made me feel better.  Maybe that is what parenting will be like.  I will be scared to death but as long as I act like I have it together, eventually I will convince myself that I will get through it.  I am still so so glad that I have my parents to call though, to tell me everything is going to be alright.  That might be the best feeling in the world, someone you can talk to day or night, that will make everything better, like when my hair gets stuck in the door.  I am too lucky.