The Cupcakes

The penguin cupcakes!

Slightly menacing

There is an odd smell on the air.  It took me awhile to figure out what the smell smells like, but I got it.  I first got a whiff as I was leaving work.  I figured it was something industrial from the hospital.  When I got home I could still smell it on the air, so I stopped.  It seemed so familiar but so out of place in nature.  I finally figured out what it the smell reminded me of: it smells like electricity, like a hot-glue gun heating up and the glue melting.  Isn't that weird?  I've never smelled that in nature before.  There are severe storm warnings in the state and surrounding states.  Somehow this smell on the wind seems bad.  Maybe there really is a storm brewing....

fat-igued

I am tired.  It's rainy and gray out...good sleeping weather.  Later gators.

Quotes o' the Night

Call bell rings...
Me: "How can your nurse help you?"
Patient's wife: "My husband is having a seizure"
    In the background husband yells "No I'm not!"
Patient's wife: "Yes, you are honey."
Me: "I'll send your nurse in."

Me: "They put a catheter in you, sir"
Patient: "That's nice, but I don't really need a carpenter."  (he was hard of hearing)

ER Doctor:  "Her tooth to tattoo ratio is not looking good.  When you have more tattoos than teeth, you know you have problems."

back on it

Back on the old job horse tonight.  I had a work nightmare today, complete with needy family members, critical patients, un-triaged patients, pediatric patients and a kindergarten tour through all my patient rooms when things were getting serious.  I guarantee when I went into nursing I never thought I would have nightmares about it.  I wonder if people in other professions have nightmares regarding their work?  Sanitation workers?  Lawyers?  Interior designers?  Hmmmmm....

Also, I am going to start replacing the word dollar, cent, money, etc. with the word treasure.  It sounds more magical....as in "What?  Those shoes cost 67 treasures?!".  Sounds good.

This and that

Tonight I went over to a friend's house and we made penguin cupcakes...they turned out really cute...white marshmallow for the tummies, yellow starbursts cut in half for the beaks, mini M&M's for the eyes, chocolate wafers for the wings...I will post some pictures when I get some.  The only problem was making the chocolate icing black...we added green and blue and the penguins turned out forest-green...but they look black from a distance. 

Thank goodness for friends when you can't be home with family for holidays.  I think it is best to either make plans to be with friends or just ignore the holiday entirely...holidays can get too lonely otherwise. 

Went and saw the movie Hanna last night, reminded me of a Quentin Tarantino film, grindhouse style....it was too violent to be PG-13 although the acting was good and it was entertaining. 

I am going to read the short story The Most Dangerous Game by Richard Connell...about hunting man.  Somehow we got on the topic of talking about it last night after the movie.  I wonder how I would do running in the woods trying to avoid being caught...probably pretty bad.  Apparently there is this show called Man Hunt or something of the kind where these people have to make it to a certain checkpoint without getting caught by this man who is tracking them on horseback...I want to see it.

; )

Little kid as I was drawing blood:  "Look, mom!  I'm doing really well!"

Patient: "I hurt down there"
Me: "Where down there?  Your knee?  Use your words."
Patient: "I hurt in my vagina."
Me:  "Good job."

Patient calls me into his room and says: "I just want some company"
Me: "Sorry, I'd love to stay and chat but I have four other patients I need to go see."
Patient: "Tell them you have a handsome young man to visit with" (he was old and ugly and had 4 teeth)
Me: "Ha ha, I really need to go"
Patient: "How about 2 minutes?"
Me: "Ok..."   .....awkwardly stand there in silence.....after about 45 seconds...
Patient: "So...is this tv HD?"

Me to crying 7-year old after a shot: "Would a popsicle help?"
Patient (in-between sobs): "Kind of!"

Patient: "I called the ambulance because I ran out of Nyquil"

Me answering telephone in ER: "Emergency room, how can I help you"
Person on phone: "Did you just call me? (club music in background)
Me: "Um, no"
Person: "Are you sure?  Someone at this number just called me"
Me: "No sir, no one called you from this number"
Person: "Is this Mercedes?"
Me: "No, this is a nurse, you called the emergency room"
Person: "Did I just see you at the club?"
Me: "Again, no, goodbye"

Patient: "Once, when I was in a coma, I had a dream.  What does that mean?"
Me: "I have no idea"

ER nurse optimism, 2 nurses standing over a body brought in:
Nurse 1: "I wonder what he had for dinner"
Nurse 2: "Sweet potatoes and chicken by the looks of it"
Nurse 1: "At least he had a good last meal!"

Aaarggggghhhh

Holy cow.  Last night when I got to work I had an inkling that I may have accidentally put on my grumpy pants, but it wasn't until after midnight I realized I had grabbed my really really grumpy pants.  Thank you Katydid for feeding me chocolate all night.  I am not issuing any apologies at this time to anyone, partially because I just took my grumpy pants off, and there is still some after-effect taking place.  In other words, I am still grumpy.  Here's to hoping that some sleep + more chocolate + excellent working conditions tonight + good meal + Midol will = NON-grumpy-pants La tonight...but I am not making any promises.

PS - You are a retarded idiot who shouldn't be wasting our time in the ER.  Thank you.  I have wanted to say that all night.  I am feeling better already.

Jump on it

Today I did my laundry...hooray!  In these warm month when I can sit by the pool while my laundry washes, I don't hate doing it quite so much.  I just sat by the pool and read, excellent.  Back to the grindstone tonight...wish me luck!

I want a menagerie when I grow up

Oh man.  I keep laying down at like 5 or 6pm thinking I will wake back up in a few hours and then when I do wake up 9 hours have gone by.  Rude.  I missed yesterday's post because of that.  I have been so unmotivated lately...glad again that I live by myself because if I had a roommate that put off doing the dishes as long as I have, it would really irritate me.  I am reading a really good book right now called The Elephant Keeper...makes me remember all my childhood dreams of wanting to own an elephant and ride her and train her.  I think I was born in the wrong century in the wrong country...I really should have been a mahout.  Google that.  It's my word o' the day.   I can't wait until I get a real pet of my own, (no offense Harmonica, wherever you are) one I can train and cuddle and hold.  Maybe a little Rottweiler, like Carl....

Ho hum

It has been gorgeous here these last few days, we have been untouched by the weather that has ravaged North Carolina fortunately.  Today I planned on getting up and enjoying some sun, but after last night's chaos I think my body wanted to sleep as long as possible.  I just woke up.  I don't work a lot of Sunday nights in the ER...and now I know why.  Sunday and Monday are probably the craziest days/nights AND it is a full moon right now.  Work was absolutely ridiculous and I mistakenly wore my grumpy pants so I pretty much wanted to curl up behind the trash can with a warm blanket and sleep all night instead of run amid the chaos.  Work was not really exciting or really slow...just really busy. 

This morning after coming home and going to bed I woke up around 10am and realized I was starving.  A strange variety of foods sounded good to me so I had a Zone bar, a Chi Chi's Fiesta Circle (aka tortilla) with peanut butter, half a dill pickle and some gummy worms.  Odd, but satiating. 

There is a big golf tournament nearby this weekend, last night at work I learned that schools are let out every year in honor of it?  Or maybe because of the traffic?  I didn't really understand.  I think going to watch golf sounds kind of boring, but everyone assures me it is fantastic.  I think the only way I will end up going is if Adam Scott personally invites me...and I don't even know if he is playing in this one.  The bag is $5.7 million...maybe I should take up golfing...

Back @ it

Back to work tonight...hope it is quiet or crazy exciting. 

Crabs

Today I went and learned about the Blue (Softshell) Crab business....very interesting and they are delicious too!  Thanks T for taking the time to teach us and answer our dumb questions.
  Here are some pictures:

Bi-level salt water tanks where the crabs mature before shedding

Crab shedding, becoming mature female

 

 The Crab leaves behind its shell, legs and lungs

 Bin of shedded shells which get thrown back in the river as important part of food-chain/eco-system

Collecting crabs that have shedded (are mature) and are ready for packaging/eating

Crabs lined up and packaged, ready to deliver

Delicious softshell crab...fried

 YUM!

Alternate To-Do List

Today I needed to balance my checkbook, clean and do laundry.  Instead I got a pedicure and had brunch with a friend, then sat and read by the pool, the napped, met friends at the Hibachi grill for dinner, went bowling and had a key-lime martini downtown.  I would say it was an even trade off.  It is supposed to rain tomorrow, I can do that indoor stuff then. 

PS - I learned the Dougie Fresh dance.  Ask me the next time you see me and I will demonstrate for you.

unwind

Last night was long.  We had a trauma come in at 9pm...waaaaay too early for anything like that.  Usually we like stuff like that to happen after 3am, when it slows down, because it takes so much time and makes the end of the shift come faster.  Not when it comes in at 9pm.  After five hours of one-on-one care we finally got the patient helicoptered out...and then there were still five hours of work left.

If I had a magic lamp with a genie in it, right now I would wish for a decaf mocha with two shots of Kahlua in it, one bacon egg croissant sandwich, a bubble bath and a head massage.  Since I do not have a genie I am going to settle for a granola bar warmed up in the microwave and some Kahlua and soy milk on the rocks. 

I am so glad I have a few nights off before I head back...so I'll have some time to do some very important stuff like sunbathe, watch Glee (now available on Instant Netflix), get a pedicure, and go see a friend's soft-shell crab processing shed....crabs are waaaay more complicated than I knew...you have to have certain tanks for them, the season is only 3-5 weeks long, certain sizes and colors mean different things...ridiculous.  I will take some pictures and post them.

Ignorance is blisssssssssss

So, it's a pretty good feeling being unaware of all negative happenings in the world...all the happenings, period.  If you ask me about Japan, all I know is that they slaughter dolphins mercilessly.  You may think my lack of interest in local and international current events is selfish and/or childish, but I don't really care.  It really is the more I think about it.  Oh well.  Call it self-preservation.  Reading all the headlines every day depressed me just about as much as my 45lb two-year old patient last night...and the 60 lb. four-year old patient...and the 300 lb 15-year old patient.  I am so glad that I changed my homepage to National Geographic.   No sense in getting upset and stressed over things you cannot control.  Also, I see enough negativity every night I am at work for a lifetime, no sense in going home and subjecting myself to more.   Good work, La...way to remove some of the negativity and instead see something beautiful everyday instead!  I am proud of you.

Here are some words from today's headlines on Googlenews.com: Angry, Crisis, Woman withheld Son's Cancer Drugs, Pornography, Cyber Attacks, Hijacks, Herpes, Serial Killer, Strife, Unrest, Collision and Alarming. 

No thanks.

Oh no

I forgot again.  Oops.  I am so discombobulated sometimes I don't know which way is up...if it is morning or evening, noon or midnight, am I working tonight or tomorrow is it Tuesday still?  Two nights left of work...I can do it! 

Last night I had this funny conversation with a patient:
Me: "I am giving you some decadron, it's going to help with inflammation"
Patient: "Deca-what?"
Me: "Decadron"
Patient: "Sounds like one of Santa's reindeer!"

And just when I thought my give-a-damn was completely busted, I realized it wasn't.  That was a pretty good feeling too.  My patient lived in her car, had 4 kids in the car waiting for her, (all under age 12) no shoes, and was wrapped in a blanket (because she had no pants?) and couldn't breathe because she was having an asthma attack.  And you thought your life was hard.  Turns out in dire cases my give-a-damn recharges itself.  Good to know.

Crazy (night)

Last night was ca-razy.  I don't think I have ever had as many psych patients in one night.  People were just out of control last night, not just the patients, but their family members as well!  I made a list of things NOT to do when you are a patient, I should have handed them out last night as people were triaged in, because they all happened. 

Just a few little FYI's for you disgruntled patients out there:
A) Calling the police on the nurses because you do not like the hospital policy will not get you very far, we ER nurses are actually in cahoots with law enforcement.
B) It is not helpful if you call 911 from your room and ask for an ambulance to pick you up and take you to another hospital because your lab results are not back as quickly as you would like them.  
C) I am not impressed by you if you yell at me "My blood is clean dammit!  Quit wasting time and help me!" while I am putting on gloves to wrap your minutely-bleeding finger in gauze, and then later blame the bad behavior on Jager shots and your sexual-identity confusion issues.
D) If we even get an inkling that you are going to spit at us while you are restrained, a mask is going on you.
E) Insisting on calling the ER doctor by his first name all night when you have never met him before isn't recommended.
F) Filling the urine specimen container with water doesn't fool us.  We can tell the difference between water and pee.
G) Calling an ambulance to bring you to the hospital because your chief complaint is "my hands are cold" will make you a non-priority.
H) Please wait until you are out of our sight before you celebrate getting narcotics prescriptions with your buddies.  "Perkys (Percocets) for everyone!" followed by a high-five is really not necessary.
I) If you think your treatment is not happening fast enough, please don't wander out of your room only to be found later by security asleep in a corner of the lobby, it scares us, especially when you are still hooked to an IV.
J) Finally, remember, we nurses are human too, and have feelings, and most of the time are just trying to help.
: )

100th post

**I regards to the "I'm fired comment", I didn't get fired from anything, I was joking because I missed the midnight deadline I set for myself to write a new blog every day .

Here are some goodies from last night:

V: "We are going to Bennetsville to see an estuary!"
L: "No....we are going to Bishopville to see a topiary!"
V: "That's what I meant" 

Unit secretary and myself trying to decipher MD handwriting:
L: "What does this say?  Halitosis?"
S: "I think it says dizziness"
L: "No...maybe acidosis?"
S: "I got it!  Cirrhosis!"  (she was right)

A patient and myself:
L: "Have you ever been pregnant?"
P: "Uh, well, hmmm (thinking really hard) well, I have three kids so I guess..."
L: "THAT means you have been pregnant!"

L: "Have you been drinking sir?"
P: "No"
L:  "Well, your blood alcohol level is almost 400 (remember 80 is legal limit), so I think you might have"
P: "Maybe a few days ago"

500 lb patient to doctor: "I haven't eaten in weeks!"

An oldy but a goody:  Delirious hallucinating patient: "Lights.....Camera.....HASHBROWNS!"

Nurse: "Like riding dogs is frowned upon, so is riding your ER patients"

The good, the bad, and the ugly (Ideas)

Last night I learned Alfred Angelo just came out with a line of wedding dresses based off of Disney princesses.  I feel like that means he was running out of inspiration.  Or it could be marketing genius, I can't tell for sure.  Actually, it was marketing genius on Disney's part.  Check it out here. 

Speaking of good ideas, last night I had a patient who stated she had "ONE wine cooler".  I knew when she came in with a complaint of "my left side might be different than my right side" that she had had more than one.  Her alcohol was around 325...that is 0.325....four times the legal limit of 0.08.  When she was being discharged she told me that in place of the sling I had given her she was just going to wear a tighter push-up bra so she would have something (higher breasts?) to rest her arm on.  I told her that probably wouldn't do much good.  Push-up bra ≠ shoulder sling.

We had a patient that required prolonged CPR last night, so when we had fatigued all the strapping young men from doing chest compressions we pulled out the LUCAS, a new CPR machine the ER bought that runs about $30,000-$35,000.  You hook the person up to it and it has an extendable arm with suction on the end that does the chest compressions for you.  A couple co-workers and I decided that we are going to rig something of the kind up with a bicycle tire pump, toilet plunger and motor, and sell them to hospitals for $20,000-$25,000 a pop.  It will be adjustable for size as well.  Tell me that isn't genius. 
Bicycle tire pump (manual)+ toilet plunger+ motor=t he newest technology in emergency CPR equipment

Here is a video of the LUCAS pump if you are interested, for some reason I remember it being more dramatic and violent the first time we used it, but maybe that was a different model and maybe it was not set up correctly...and it was on an actual human.  All factors should be taken into consideration I guess....

Thought o' the Day

Today I had a thought.  Amazing, I know.  Maybe it was from watching I, Robot yesterday but I heard an ad on the radio for micro-chipping pets, and I thought, why haven't we started doing that with people yet?  I haven't really thought it through, but I can think of a couple of reasons it would be handy.  Schools could automatically take attendance that way, when going to the DMV, airport, or taking nationalized exams etc. it wouldn't be necessary to take 34 different types of identification with you.  Passport counterfeiting would become extinct.  It could cut down on identity theft, and hospitals could use it to identify patients.  You don't know how many times we get patients in the ER that either a) physically cannot give us identification due to being unconscious or in a wreck or near-death b) lie about who they are to avoid law enforcement, bills, other people, etc. or c) are under the influence of drugs/alcohol or have dementia and are not oriented enough to give us ID.  For me it is really a bad feeling when we get people, especially children under 16 who don't have ID on them, in bicycle accidents, hit by cars, etc. etc. and days go by before we can figure out who the person is and who we can notify.  It is a helpless feeling and you feel worse because you know someone is probably looking for this person.  It could help avoid hospitals giving away babies to the wrong parents as well.  Also, if children or people are kidnapped, it would be a good way to verify identities.  I don't think I would mind having my baby micro-chipped.  Anyways, I thought it was just an interesting idea.  I know people will have many good ideas as to why it could be a bad idea and why it shouldn't happen.  Would you want to be microchipped?

Things I Love About Spring

Smell of fresh-cut lawns after a long winter
Flowers/bushes/trees/weeds...all in bloom
Thunderstorms
Swimsuit shopping
Getting out the flip-flops
Crickets at night
New Spring fashion
Spring Break
Dolphins come back


Things I Don't Love About Spring

Pollen covering EVERYTHING
Tourists starting to appear
Toads everywhere during the evening/night
Spring forward = dayling savings...so annoying
Putting away the Uggs
Cabin fever

...

Nothing like a humbling experience to knock you on your rear.   Sweet dreams!

ug

I missed the deadline.  Fired. We are all human, right?  Mistakes are part of learning and growing.

Not a complete fail...

While making good use of my "me" time last night I decided to wax my eyebrows.  Aside from the hot wax spilled down the front of my shirt, the small second degree burn on my thumb from the aforementioned spilled wax, and the chunk of eye lashes I accidentally ripped out, I would say it went surprisingly well.  I can't wait to do it again in 4-6 weeks.

I decided to make these really good slow-cooked pork tacos tonight, I bought all the ingredients and put them in my crock pot this am and I even bough pork tenderloin because I couldn't find pork loin in the right size.  Anywho...I cooked the hell out of it.  Like 2-extra-hours-on-high hell out of it.  I fell asleep.  I think it is salvageable; at least I wont have to worry about trichinosis....

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

This morning started out lovely, sleeping in, the new issue of Glamour and chocolate soy milk in bed.  Lazy days are the best, time for long phone calls with loved ones, naps, movies and just taking it easy.  I swear it takes my brain a few days to wind down from work.  Now I am enjoying a Woody Allen movie and some sweet potato fries.  Then I think I'll take a hot shower and read in bed.  I love my "me" time.

Gina, Frank, Harvey, Paul...

The toads are back.  Last night when I walked out to get in my car I counted seven.  I hate toads, and am scared to death that a) one is going to somehow jump into my car when I open the door and I wont be able to get it out and/or b) I will accidentally step on one and squish/mame it and/or c) the toads will gang up and corner me in a dark alley and slime me to death.  Okay, maybe not that last one, but it could happen.  Who knew the trip to my car could be so terrifying?  When I was little I read somewhere that if you were scared of something, you should give it a name and that would make it less scary.  I tried that with spiders, but no matter how many names I gave them, I was always sure they were going to wait until I was asleep and then lay eggs in my ears and bite me on the face.  I would make Banana get up and kill them for me, and when she started refusing, one of my best ideas ever came to me: I used the swiffer to kill it.  The swiffer has a large flat area at the end and a long pole so you don't have to get close enough to the bug for it to really attack you. Genius, I know.  On the way back into my apartment last night, I decided to name the toads.  I don't know if it helped.  I passed a Jezebel, Theo, Gary, Freddy and Seymour.  Here is to hoping that I do not contribute knowingly to toad casualties in the deep South this spring.