Crazy (night)

Last night was ca-razy.  I don't think I have ever had as many psych patients in one night.  People were just out of control last night, not just the patients, but their family members as well!  I made a list of things NOT to do when you are a patient, I should have handed them out last night as people were triaged in, because they all happened. 

Just a few little FYI's for you disgruntled patients out there:
A) Calling the police on the nurses because you do not like the hospital policy will not get you very far, we ER nurses are actually in cahoots with law enforcement.
B) It is not helpful if you call 911 from your room and ask for an ambulance to pick you up and take you to another hospital because your lab results are not back as quickly as you would like them.  
C) I am not impressed by you if you yell at me "My blood is clean dammit!  Quit wasting time and help me!" while I am putting on gloves to wrap your minutely-bleeding finger in gauze, and then later blame the bad behavior on Jager shots and your sexual-identity confusion issues.
D) If we even get an inkling that you are going to spit at us while you are restrained, a mask is going on you.
E) Insisting on calling the ER doctor by his first name all night when you have never met him before isn't recommended.
F) Filling the urine specimen container with water doesn't fool us.  We can tell the difference between water and pee.
G) Calling an ambulance to bring you to the hospital because your chief complaint is "my hands are cold" will make you a non-priority.
H) Please wait until you are out of our sight before you celebrate getting narcotics prescriptions with your buddies.  "Perkys (Percocets) for everyone!" followed by a high-five is really not necessary.
I) If you think your treatment is not happening fast enough, please don't wander out of your room only to be found later by security asleep in a corner of the lobby, it scares us, especially when you are still hooked to an IV.
J) Finally, remember, we nurses are human too, and have feelings, and most of the time are just trying to help.
: )