; )

Little kid as I was drawing blood:  "Look, mom!  I'm doing really well!"

Patient: "I hurt down there"
Me: "Where down there?  Your knee?  Use your words."
Patient: "I hurt in my vagina."
Me:  "Good job."

Patient calls me into his room and says: "I just want some company"
Me: "Sorry, I'd love to stay and chat but I have four other patients I need to go see."
Patient: "Tell them you have a handsome young man to visit with" (he was old and ugly and had 4 teeth)
Me: "Ha ha, I really need to go"
Patient: "How about 2 minutes?"
Me: "Ok..."   .....awkwardly stand there in silence.....after about 45 seconds...
Patient: "So...is this tv HD?"

Me to crying 7-year old after a shot: "Would a popsicle help?"
Patient (in-between sobs): "Kind of!"

Patient: "I called the ambulance because I ran out of Nyquil"

Me answering telephone in ER: "Emergency room, how can I help you"
Person on phone: "Did you just call me? (club music in background)
Me: "Um, no"
Person: "Are you sure?  Someone at this number just called me"
Me: "No sir, no one called you from this number"
Person: "Is this Mercedes?"
Me: "No, this is a nurse, you called the emergency room"
Person: "Did I just see you at the club?"
Me: "Again, no, goodbye"

Patient: "Once, when I was in a coma, I had a dream.  What does that mean?"
Me: "I have no idea"

ER nurse optimism, 2 nurses standing over a body brought in:
Nurse 1: "I wonder what he had for dinner"
Nurse 2: "Sweet potatoes and chicken by the looks of it"
Nurse 1: "At least he had a good last meal!"