brain scrambled

I have one more night left and then am finished with my stretch of 4 and have a few nights off.  When work ends in the morning it is the same feeling I had when school would get out in the afternoon when I was little: pure joy and excitement and all the possibilities!

  I helped save a life last night.  It was a real emergency and time was key and without our interventions the patient most likely would have died.  I keep telling myself that and trying to figure out how I feel about it.  Interestingly I do not feel any different about that patient than any of my other patients throughout the night, and this is not the first time  have helped save a life.  I guess everything is relative. I am not saying that in a jaded way, but more like a humble brag kind of way I think...I don't know.  I guess I am pretty lucky (or crazy) to have an occupation where after you save a life you wipe the bed down and go on to the next room and empty a bed pan, and continue on because that is just what you do and people usually don't thank you and you don't really expect it or any acknowledgement for that matter. Does it not seem like a big deal because it was a stranger?  Because it happens frequently?  I am still wrapping my head around it.  My thoughts on death and dying and natural selection and psychology vs. sociology and over-population vs. personal attachment are getting more complicated by the day.  I have two food for thought pieces that came to mind...

and the second is this saying that is still boggling my brains...

Good thing I am going to sleep and will let my brain work on it while I am out : )