some maths

I am only part way through this equation but let's hope this is how it turns out:

12-hour shift + big breakfast at end of shift (eggs, ham, home fries, French toast) + hot shower (w/Jo Malone Vit E body scrub) + heating blanket + memory foam bed + black out curtains = FANTASTIC SLEEP TODAY


Wish me luck!

best video ever?

Basically someone really talented made a short video of my time in the South.  Make sure your sound is up. 

best video...biograhical musical

Todrick Hall is my new hero.

Struggles

     When I was in nursing school I had no idea that ER dealt mainly with non-emergent care.  I wonder if knowing that would have changed my mind about going into that field.  If someone had said "Every day you will have to take care of people who have made bad decision after bad decision and you can't let it get to you or internalize it" if that would have made me stop and think.  Here I am, out of nursing school over 4 years and I still get irritated with patients and unfortunately have the "now I have to clean up the mess" mentality.  Last night I was in triage, and an older lady came stumbling in, she looked moderately wealthy, had her nails done, etc.  Anyways she came staggering in and when I asked her what brought her in she slurred "I am addicted to pain medications".  Turned out a few years back she had been diagnosed with a painful, non-life threatening disease, and was prescribed pain medication appropriately at that time, but did not take the medicine properly and soon became addicted to it and stated she has been addicted to it for the last few years.  Instead of just thinking "ok, whatever, those home fries were good for breakfast" blah de blah and going on my way I found myself thinking "great, now your bad decisions and poor judgment are my problem." 
      On a nightly basis ER nurses have to "deal" with the results of bad decisions, and that is part of the job, whether it is cleaning up pee, poo and vomit all night from someone that drank to much or in extreme cases wheeling someone to ICU or OR or putting someone in a body bag because of poor decisions, it ends up being our problem.  Maybe I should be in preventative nursing instead of tertiary nursing, teaching prevention and education vs. dealing with the poor decisions but I find myself thinking so often at work "this situation could have been avoided" and the "work smarter not harder" part of me throws a little tantrum.  I am still struggling with that aspect of the job and find myself telling myself a hundred times a night "why do you care?  Its no skin off your teeth" but the thing is I do care and I don't know if not caring is a good thing or a bad thing in this case.  Speaking of caring, lately I have adopted the phrase "nobody cares" as my motto and it is a good one for the ER even if it doesn't sound like it.  Let me explain.  It is better to think "nobody cares what you did or why you are in here, but you are here now and we are required to treat you", not "nobody cares about you".  It is not worth it to get involved emotionally or personally so just better to say "nobody cares" and just do your job.  I don't care what you do in your free time, how you live your life, what you ate for dinner, how many people you have killed or how much meth you just shot up in the parking lot, you are here now so we have to deal with it...and then going on and giving good nursing care.  Who knew all the internal struggles I would have while working in a field that goes directly against Darwinism?  Nobody cares... :)

Ender's Game is an awesome book.

I am making shrimp scampi next week for my dad's belated birthday dinner.

I don't remember any of my patients last night except the mean ones...why is that?   : (

I would kill for a breakfast burrito from the little rinky-dink Mexican restaurant in the Denver airport before you go through security. 

My bed is pre-heating.

It frosted last night.

At one point the doctor jokingly told me to sing for entertainment as he was doing a lumbar puncture for the patient and her husband and I busted out the old 'Davy Crockett' song.  After a few seconds he asked me to please stop.

After tonight I am off for a week and a half and get to spend time with FAMILY.

I have a giant to-do list but I am going to get some sleep first : )  I was going to vacuum my car out and wipe down the interior this am but it is 45 degrees out!  I love Fall.  Work was the norm, appendicitis, broken bones, demented old people, chest pain, stupidity, ignorance, overdoses etc....nothing to write home about.  Well my bed is pre-heated so I am going to hit the hay with the hopes of being productive when I wake. 

Hot with Cold

I have been sitting here for 5 minutes and cannot think of anything to write.  Work was work.  The Fall weather is gorgeous and chilly in the mornings.  I am so relieved to have 2 nights off before going back to work.  I think next week I am going to make mass batches of marinara sauce and Sante Fe Soup and then freeze them so I have a warm, delicious meal in the freezer for the upcoming cold nights ahead, at work and at home.  I don't know why hot food is so amazing when it is freezing out but it sure beats a sandwich on a snowy night...

brain scrambled

I have one more night left and then am finished with my stretch of 4 and have a few nights off.  When work ends in the morning it is the same feeling I had when school would get out in the afternoon when I was little: pure joy and excitement and all the possibilities!

  I helped save a life last night.  It was a real emergency and time was key and without our interventions the patient most likely would have died.  I keep telling myself that and trying to figure out how I feel about it.  Interestingly I do not feel any different about that patient than any of my other patients throughout the night, and this is not the first time  have helped save a life.  I guess everything is relative. I am not saying that in a jaded way, but more like a humble brag kind of way I think...I don't know.  I guess I am pretty lucky (or crazy) to have an occupation where after you save a life you wipe the bed down and go on to the next room and empty a bed pan, and continue on because that is just what you do and people usually don't thank you and you don't really expect it or any acknowledgement for that matter. Does it not seem like a big deal because it was a stranger?  Because it happens frequently?  I am still wrapping my head around it.  My thoughts on death and dying and natural selection and psychology vs. sociology and over-population vs. personal attachment are getting more complicated by the day.  I have two food for thought pieces that came to mind...

and the second is this saying that is still boggling my brains...

Good thing I am going to sleep and will let my brain work on it while I am out : )