ha ha

I was tired of paying for food/drinks I didn't really want at the coffee shop to use their internet so I out-smarted the system and now am just using the internet from my car in their parking lot.  I am so ghetto.  Also, I made my first new friend today.  I am still waiting on all my clothes, furniture, dishes etc from my moving company, so I am still on the cot in an empty house.  I called the movers and they "might" load my stuff up from their hub in Atlanta "next week sometime", so in the meantime I am learning to live minimally.  I am going to have to give in and buy some scrubs though it looks like...all mine are packed.  Scrubs are expensive!!

Who knew?

Who knew that sitting and listening to people talk all day was so exhausting?

Welp, thanks for the big gulp

I survived my first day of new hospital orientation.  I only got lost once and drank 2 cups of coffee and 2 sweet teas and parked in the right parking lot.  I forgot how much orientation is like the first day of school...except most people don't know each other from the year before.  The running commentary in my head illustrated to me that I not much has changed since I was 13 and in a new class, it went something like this today: That guy might have some potential if he gained 50 lbs of muscle and plucked his eyebrows.  She is SO annoying, please don't sit by me.  I am never going to be able to afford to retire.  Since when do Tom's (shoes) count as 'business casual' attire?  Is she pregnant, or just plump?  Guy next to me: STOP breathing so loud!   The VP looks like a raccoon.  Do I need a medical spending account?  I am so hungry.  That guy must be foreign...yep, from Russia.  I am freezing in here, glad I wore a sweater.  My ID badge picture makes me look like I just had my wisdom teeth out.  My to-do list is soooo long.  I hate paperwork. Oh gosh, I have to learn how to do arterial blood draws.  I am lost.  My nails sure look pretty.  I don't think I am qualified to work here.  I need some gum.  Yep, that pretty much sums up my thoughts for the whole day.  There were 35 new employees orienting with me, from doctors to housekeepers.  Tomorrow we break into more specialized orientation groups.    I feel like my nursing expertise is decreasing exponentially each day I am out of the ER.  Maybe I will grow some confidence overnight.

It doesn't work...and the bear came back

     The wedding cake under the bed does not work.  I tried it two nights in a row in the hope that it not working the first night was a fluke.  The first night the only dream I remember is Jessica Simpson telling me the story of how she and Nick Lachey started dating.  Last night the only dream I remember was the awkward high school dream where you are in gym class and it is swimming day and you get the pool and take off your towel to get in and realize you do not have a bikini top on; neither very promising as to a future husband... 

     Last night mom and dad and I were watching Poirot and heard a noise outside.  It was the black bear that had been celebrating Banana's wedding with us.  That thing was BIG, much bigger than I thought, and it climbed a pine tree trunk like nobody's business.  Dad said it probably weighed between 300 and 400 lbs.  Of course we went outside to look at it, dad used a high-powered flashlight to see where the bear was (about 20 feet up the tree) and then took a picture, it turned out kind of cool, take a look:

sweet dreams

I read somewhere, sometime, that if you are unmarried and sleep with a piece of wedding cake under your pillow, you will dream of who you are going to marry.  My grandma verified this.  I am going to try it tonight.  I have a piece of chocolate wedding cake all saran-wrapped up so the dogs don't get it under my bed in the pillow-area.  I will let you know how it goes.

Tonight we had an amazing dinner here at the house: steaks, grilled veggies, lemon mascarpone grits, rosemary bread, salad and finished it off with an apple crisp, of which the apples were picked from a tree this afternoon by our house by my dad and myself.  Bliss.

Not the only ones celebrating

Apparently we are not the only ones celebrating Banana's marriage, last night a bear (or bears) got into the garbage and had a party...beer, cake, appetizers, pizza, etc, bet it thought it hit the jackpot.  My window was open and around 1:30am I woke up to a beer bottle breaking and a trash can being knocked over.  If I had been back in the South, I would have thought "Oh, that is probably just the day-car around the corner" but since I am back in the West I knew it had to be a bear or at least something bigger than a raccoon.  One of the dogs and I sat and stared out the window and listened to it for awhile but it was too dark to really see anything.  Now I am worried I am going to go outside one of these days and think Newt is following me around and I will turn and it will really be a black bear.  If that does happen, at least it would make a good story, right?

The DJ did dedicate Wiz Khalifa's 'Roll Up' to the Bride for me

Since the wedding madness had ceased, I decided to write again.  I am awful about this every day writing thing, but since I am at home with the dial-up internet it usually seems like more of a pain to load everything just for me to not have something important to say...but tonight I do. 

I have a few personal notes on Banana's wedding, which took place on Sunday.

First, I had no idea that being the maid of honor was going to entail so much work, (ie following the bride, groom and photographer high and low carrying the train of the dress and arranging it and re-arranging it every 15 seconds for an hour while photos were being taken while wearing a short, strapless dress of my own that had a tendency to fall down).  I wouldn't have volunteered for the role had I known this ahead of time.  Just kidding Banana, if you ever get married again, I will do it for you...not that you should ever need to get married again, I think the execution and planning of this one damn near killed our mother....
     Next, I had no idea the service was going to be so emotional.  Had I known this ahead of time I would have worn ear plugs, and that is what I am contemplating doing during my own wedding (my groom and I will have a secret sign like a wink or something for me to do when I say "I do") so my makeup doesn't run.  Not to brag, but I am one of the ugliest criers I have ever seen, and throughout the whole service I was crying.  Like really crying.  Like tears dripping onto my dress and snot dripping off my chin.  I didn't think a snot rocket would be flattering or appropriate, so I just awkwardly wiped my nose with my hand and tried to wipe it in my bouquet until finally the groom's father got up and brought me a kleenex.  If my job as a bridesmaid was to make the bride look stunning, just by comparison standing next to her through that, I did my job well.  Exceptionally well.
   Third, winging my maid-of-honor speech went pretty well I thought, I was serious about avoiding the whole cliche sobbing, drunk, "I love you so much" babbling sister speech, so I was kind of on the other side of the spectrum from that, but honestly, who doesn't appreciate a concise yet heartfelt speech?  If I had to do it again I would probably tell a funny story about Banana and I as children but oh well.  Maybe I will call them on their one-year anniversary and give them that speech. 
     Finally, and this is kind of morbid, but yesterday after cleaning up the reception site, I decided that if I were going to die in a car accident, I hope it would be the day after the wedding because seriously, if you are going to die, who wouldn't want to be surrounded by cakes, presents and 8 dozen bouquets of flowers?  It would be the prettiest car wreck ever.

Banana and Z (if all went according to plan) should be in Caribbean right now.  They have more presents to open once they get home.  I already miss sleeping in the same bed as her.