GLAMOROUS...OR NOT?

     Life can be blatantly un-glamorous.  Not that my life is that glamorous on a daily basis (I went to college to get a degree in poop-wiping and FUPA holding), but sometimes I stop and realize how un-glamorous a situation is, and I hope and pray that the experience is character-building if nothing else, otherwise I might just break down in tears...or laughter.  I just had one of those moments.  One of those moments when you stop and think "this is pathetic".  It happened when I realized I had chocolate pudding on my face.  Here is how that came about.  When you are sick you don't really care about one thing or another, and if a food item sounds good, you eat it.  Well, I was in one of my really hot-sweating-can't-get-cool-my-clothes-are-sticking to-me-and-my-hair-is-wet-with-perspiration hot phases when I got out of bed and took all of my clothes off.  Then I went into the kitchen to see if anything sounded appetizing.  I decided chilled chocolate pudding might do the trick, so I pulled a container out of the fridge and went to find a spoon.  Of course since it is just me here I only run the dishwasher once a week or so, and I had no clean spoons.  I briefly contemplated using a fork, but then decided a soup ladle might work better.  I proceeded to eat my pudding.  It was then that I realized I was standing naked, in my kitchen, eating chocolate pudding out of the container with a soup ladle, and had chocolate pudding all over my face, that I realized just how pathetic the situation was.  Unfortunately, this wasn't the first pathetic situation I have been in, and I am sure many more are to come.
     Lately I have been realizing how much Hollywood and the media glamorize EVERYTHING.  A recent revelation of that was when I was at work the other night, frustrated with decisions being made that would eventually unknowingly assist in the demise of my patient.  It was life or death.  It was stressful.  I was holding back tears.  After the patient was flown out in the helicopter, I was in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror, and I remember thinking, no song in the background a la Grey's Anatomy could make this situation seem better.  You know, when there is some kind of big event or turning point, and the sad music plays and it shows the doctor or nurse sitting alone in the stairwell or the bathroom and you think, "gee, that is so dramatic and epic"?  Yeah, life isn't really like that.  Life is standing naked eating chocolate pudding in your kitchen when you are sick.  Life is sitting with your turtle at 5am before work listening to Phil Collins on the radio.  Life is cleaning up messes and putting destroyed bodies in body bags after you have tried every humanly possible thing to keep someone alive.  Life is having to drive to school with your head out the window in a sleet storm because your windshield wipers stop working, and no matter what kind of music is playing along, life goes on.
     I sure hope life has more glamorous experiences in store for me, and maybe all these un-glamorous experiences make the glamorous that much more exciting.  I can think of a few experiences when I have felt truly glamorous.  Probably the most recent being dressed up in short dresses and high heels, looking fantastic in Las Vegas heading out to the nightclubs with my girlfriends and getting to the club and having the security guards say "Of course you are on The list, right this way ladies" and having the velvet ropes unhooked for us while jealous people still in the waiting line give us dirty looks.  Or when I was in NYC with one of my best friends and we went to a movie set that was setup in her office building and during the break the lead actor made it a point to come over and flirt with us and only went back to filming after the director yelled at him to get back to work 10 minutes later. Life is all about balance, but somehow the un-glamorous seems to out number the glamorous.  I guess one way to remedy that is to look for the glamour in the every-day. 

Stupid bug

I have been seeing people bitten by the flu bug alot over the last couple of months and it finally bit me.  Ug.  Being sick really makes you realize how much you take for granted on a daily basis, and gives me a little empathy with my patients.  I don't know how many times we tell the patients with fevers that they can't bundle up..."Your temperature is 103.  Take off the snowsuit" but I don't think I am ever going to deny anyone a blanket again!  When I am not sweating and burning up I am shivering and my teeth are chattering.  If I didn't have a warm blanket and my rice-filled bed buddy, I would have to logically assume that death would be next in the uncomfortable scale.  It is easy when you are healthy to minimize other's suffering.  Too often if it doesn't affect us, it is not our problem.  Maybe there is something to be learned by getting sick for me.  Now, off to sleep after I finish this umpteenth bottle of water....

Some recent doozies

"I'm going to bite your bellybutton" - full grown male patient to male nurse

20 year old pysch patient: "I'm sorry nurse, I can't take these pills."
Me: "Why not?"
Patient: "Because they are going to change me and I am my OWN man.  I have my beliefs and nothing is going to change me.  I am who my OWN person.  Nothing is going to change my mind.  The doctor doesn't understand me.  I am NOT taking theses!" (holds cup of pills back out to me)
Me: "If you don't take them, the doctor will just order a shot instead."
Patient: "Oh. Ok." (takes pills)

"Why you ain't nothin' but a CHILD" - patient to me

"Where you be hurtin'?" - almost said by ME to patient...scary

"I'm going to lick your dolphin" - same full grown male patient to male nurse (male nurse had dolphin earring)

Wife of pt: "His kidneys hurt so bad they had to call the neurologist!"
Me: "You mean the nephrologist?"
Wife: "What?"

"I am going to be bringing in my sputum, urine, poop and sperm to have analyzed, ok?" - pt. over telephone to ER nurse

"Pain 10++++++++++++++++++++++" -triage slip

EMS report call at 2am "We will be transporting three female patients at this time.  The chief complaints are toothache, menstrual cramps, and one wants a pregnancy test"

EMS report: "We were called to scene for seizure, upon arrival pt appeared to be seizing and convulsing on floor.  Pt able to stop seizing when we arrived to tell us he was going to be fine, then he resumed seizing."

Patient: "I was assaulted"
Me: "With what kind of instrument?"
Patient: "A pool stick"

Nurse: "What's going on over at that bar tonight?"
Policeman: "Not much, just a few drug deals gone bad."

Patient: "This oxygen is burning my nose!  Too much, too much!!"

Dia de mi hermano

Dear BWK:
Happy Birthday Big Brother!  Wish I could be there for the delicious meal tonight.  I heard what mom is making and am so jealous.  I will probably have rice and hot sauce like I usually do when I work.  So...26 years on planet earth.  Have you learned anything since age 4 that is really worth knowing?  Supposedly you learn 90% of what you will your entire life somewhere around that age.  Here are a few things I learned about you, not all in that age range, mainly because I don't remember much at that age other than we enjoyed David the Gnome together.  Here goes:  1) I had a partner in crime/twin from the moment I met you at the hospital on May 21, a year and a half after you were born.  2) I would do anything in the world for you then, and now.  3) You think leprechaun poop is the funniest thing ever. 4) I have a hunch you might secretly enjoy watching Sex and the City. 5) You are a master fisherman, like dad and grandpa. 6) You were a real sport in college for letting me borrow your car, Thelma, to go train my pig for the livestock management class.  I am sorry the smell never really came out. 7) You would make me so mad because I would practice a song on the piano for hours and you could appear and play it by ear within minutes. 8) You can always win kids over with your flipper tooth. 9) We have the same political views (yay!). 10) You still side with me when it comes to picking sides in an argument between me and a pretty girl.  11)  Your sweaty soccer socks on the heater in the the Land Cruiser really might have affected my olfactory sense for life. 12) I am jealous of your eyelashes. 13) Pretty sure you could survive in the Canadian wilderness with nothing but the clothes on your back. Jealous of that too. 14) I would pay money to have seen you in Europe maneuvering those roundabouts in your little car with moss growing on it.  15) You are going to be the best uncle EVER.  16) Don't worry, those beasts in Willow are just dogs in costume, they aren't real. 17) Building forts with you is awesome. 18) I am always excited to see your latest artistic projects. 19) Hunter Safety class wouldn't have been the same without you. 20) You are someone for me to respect, admire and love, and I am thankful every day you are my brother.  Now, here is a link for you for old time's sake.  xoxox and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  B's Special Birthday Link

Love you always and forever - - L

Ola Brasil!

That last post was classic.  I was in the middle of trying to convert back to a nighttime schedule and literally woke up in the middle of 12 hours of sleep to write something.  I could hardly keep my eyes open to turn on my laptop and then I nodded off a few times while thinking of something to write.  Obviously I pulled out a gem of a post.  Ha ha ha! 

Yesterday I visited Brazil, in waxing terminology that is.  What we do in the name of beauty.... The aesthetician was very nice and professional and it didn't hurt as bad as I had expected but I warn you, it is not for the faint of heart!!  She gave me a few Aleve before the procedure, which I am sure helped.   I feel like afterwards you feel instantly more attractive, at least I did.  We will see how long that feeling lasts.

This a.m. I got up early and went to the YMCA to swim laps.  Good lord.  What possesses people, myself included, to get up in the dark early hours of the morning, get in a freezing cold car, drive, take off all your clothes in a tiled room with strangers, put on unflattering spandex/nylon, jump into a cold pool of chemical-ized water with a rubber hat on, and proceed to flop around in the water until your lungs feel like they are going to explode and your legs cramp up?  The pursuit of health of course!  Right afterwards I came home and it was still dark and I crawled into my bed and passed out.  My pillows smell like chlorine now.  Who knows, I have hated exercise (yes, I am purposely using that strong of a word to describe my feelings regarding the topic) thus far and thought something non-impact after spending so much time on my feet would be good/more enjoyable.  We shall see...

PS - There has got to be a name for this law...if not, I will claim it, but why is it that EVERY time I roll out of bed and put on a sweatshirt and drive to the grocery store and don't wash my face/want to be seen, I see cute guys?  I guarantee if I had showered and put on makeup and a cute outfit, it would have been geriatric hour there and not a cute guy under 40 in a 5-mile radius. Sheesh.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

Sooooooooo tired. Sweet dreans all.

It's Fo REAL!!

Tonight I am ordering my bridesmaid dress for Banana's wedding.  I still don't think it has set in that she is getting married...maybe when I am standing up at the front with her in her wedding dress it will seem real.  It is hard being away for all the wedding plans, I feel like we have been planning this since we were five.  Granted, when we made wedding plans at that age she was always the groom, but still.  Or we planned on marrying dad.  I guess neither of those worked out.  I remember when she came home from her first date with Z, we were living together in college and I stayed up to see how it was.  After she finally got home (very very late I might add) she came into the room absolutely giddy with happiness.  "You're going to marry this boy, aren't you?" I remember saying.  She just smiled.  Like they say, the rest is history. 

     Being the fashionable and fabulous person she is, she decided to go with all different styles of bridesmaid dresses, and we wanted to make sure we had different neck-lines, so as soon as she had an idea about hers we could decide on mine.  Looking at bridesmaid dresses I am noticing a definite trend towards the 80's styles of dropped waist lines, ruffles, tiers and bows.  I love it.  It's 80's styles in 2011 colors, muted jewel tones and neutrals.  I would not mind seeing a few sequins here and there though...check out these from J. Crew Wedding:

Lator gator.